ohshit, I have an about page now. Fuck me.
So, who the hell is this bitch?
I’m Wonder. Real names are lame. I’m a lady who is trying to stop being a fattie via Keto, weight lifting, and Intermittent Fasting. I’m twenty one, five foot six, and I was 170 lbs at the start of this blogging experiment. I have struggled with binge-purging throughout my whole life. It worked, for a while. I was 100 lbs when I was 18. I was called “Asian Boy” because I had smaller titties than, well, an asian boy. It killed me inside.
I swung from one extreme to another and gained fifty pounds in the military, and almost twenty once I left. I have hated my body image my whole life and it has effected my relationships with myself, with food, and with my loved ones. It is difficult to have fulfilling sex when you are trying not to cry because your thighs rub and chafe. It is difficult to have confidence and feel beautiful when you muffin top over everything but sweat pants. How do you smile at yourself in the mirror when it hurts so much?
I am going to university in the fall, and summer orientation made me cry on the ferry ride home. All these girls, fresh out of high school, without an ounce of fat on their frames. Beautiful and skinny. That incident on the ferry made me think long and hard about what I wanted. I wanted to be healthy *and* skinny. I just didn’t know how. Not without purging. Not without killing myself.
I found keto almost entirely on accident. Surfing reddit, I jokingly wondered if there was a weight-loss subreddit. I found r/loseit, and began to read. It was fascinating that nutrition, far more than exercise, was what mattered. It made sense. Whenever I tried to lose weight in the past, I depended almost entirely on exercise, to dismal results. Reading their nutrition section of the FAQ I thought, “well, maybe I will do low carb, but keto seems excessive”. Still, I had opened a tab for the r/keto FAQ, so I thought I would read.
I was instantly hooked. I found the SomethingAwful thread. I read every referenced study. I devoured every infographic. I am something of a nerd, in that when I am fascinated by something I can spend hours learning about it. A whole day vanished while I sat in front of the computer, hungry for more information. Slowly but surely, skepticism gave way to tentative excitement.
And then, I found the photos. I found the before and afters. I was amazed. I knew that weight loss was difficult, that very few people can manage drops of 100 lbs or more and keep it off. But all of these people had lost the weight. Many of them used keto. They looked so damn good and they said that anyone could do it.
If anyone can do it… why can’t I?
I knew then that I had to try. I was ecstatic. I printed off dozens of pages of acceptable foods, of recipes, of the science behind it. I subscribed to r/keto, r/xxketo, r/ketorecipes. I opened every food blog that championed low-carb.
I realised that as much as I loved bread, and pasta, and cake, I hated how I felt more. I hated how hungry I was, all the time, how my body looked. It seemed that keto gave you energy, that keto made you feel full and more alive. There was even a study that suggested ketogenic diets provided anti-depressant effects to rats. I had been struggling with depression for the past year, and it seemed a great way to supplement the medication I’d been prescribed.
So, realising that a daily update on r/keto would be annoying at best, I decided to start my blog.
And here we are. Let’s see how this little journey of mine goes.